SEASON OF CHANGES AND SEPARATION

September 3, 2009
Season of changes and separation.
My father recited the story of his career to me only once. One of the incidents that stand out in my memory is his visit to Mumbai during the early 1940s (world war II time) enroute to Karachi. He attended a job interview in Central Bank of India and was selected. However for some reason (which included lack of family support, relocation to Mumbai) he did not take it up. There was wistfulness in his tone which I still remember.
I have no such regrets. I have changed jobs and houses more frequently than many persons of my generation or next generation. What does a change of job entail? Well, first the chase for a new job. It is a case of journey being more interesting than destination. After landing the new job, submit the resignation- which in true Indian tradition remains a secretive affair. It is slowly leaked within the organisation in Chinese whispers. When confronted, after some humming and hawing, triumphantly inform that you are headed to another planet leaving the rest to stagnate here.
The tedium of notice period has to be undergone. Prior experience helps here. It makes sense to show sincerity inspite of knowing that you are not going to see the fruits of your labor. (Remember the story of the old man sowing a seed for new plant- that is the spirit to be shown). You never know whose feet has to be touched for what reason in future. Express deep sorrow at parting colleagues whom you hardly knew well. Say bye bye and keep in touch with those you really enjoyed working with.
The day for the marriage to the new job arrives. You are like a newly married bride trying to know the rope. Ouch, are there in laws and other hangers on like the mega TV Serials? Can I believe this ever smiling and polite colleague? What has he told the boss about me? (“this new chap is ok , nothing great, certainly not like BK who is a wiz at this job”) .
I underwent this drama in the last few months. Parting with what is familiar and joining an unfamiliar territory is a bit like those Sindbad’s seven journeys in quest of excitement and money and what not. What made it bearable were some pleasant changes at home front.
My daughter Devi rang me on July 18th informing that Shivam- her son- had convulsions and was admitted to a pediatric hospital. Padma and I rushed to Coimbatore the next day and found that the severity had gone and Shivam in his resilient ways had made a swift journey to becoming normal again. He walked up and down the hospital corridor inviting other small children who were in various stages of illness and recovery there from. He made friends with the nurses who came in droves to meet him. The hospital reluctantly discharged after observing him for one more day. Padma, Devi and Shivam landed in Mumbai before the end of that week. Coincidentally, my separation and marriage to new employer was at that time. So I considered him to be a lucky mascot.

Some individuals are gifted with the ability to create a whole new world around themselves and invite all present to share it. Shivam belongs to this lucky category. His large, inquiring eyes, looking with curiosity at the world around him, the confident communication in Tamil to everyone (whether they understood Tamil or not), dragging them to see the drums or elephants on You tube made his an enjoyable company. He has the natural mischief of a 2 year old without being very difficult or uncontrollable. He is cautious by nature and so does not take giant leaps in mischief. They are of incremental nature which can exasperate you without provoking a rage.
Another fortunate coincidence was the job offer Anand- my son- received two weeks back. The entire episode -chase to appointment letter- took place in 4 days. It seemed as though that the stars were waiting for Shivam to step into the house to provoke the changes which they had kept on the anvil.
Shivam has grown physically and mentally. The last blog written over an year back show the strides a human being makes when he or she grows from year one to year two of existence. He does not seem to know what fear is. He favors inclusion of all those around him in his activity. His favourite approach with other children is to provoke them by some physical aggression. I have an one year old photo where he slowly craws near Anirudh- my niece’s son- and pulls his hair and then gives a huge smile. Anirudh is startled at this aggression and goes far away from this unexpected aggressor. Nothing has changed. He still pulls or pushes other small children who are equally bewildered by this unexpected action and start bawling out. There is no seeming malignance in his action. This is pure male aggression or bullying which expects reciprocation. He is disappointed at lack of expected reaction and moves away after wondering why this child is crying.
Padma has spent much longer hours with him. As a woman and as a grand mother her bonding is at an emotional and physical level which we males can only perceive but not reach. Their mental balance at this growing relationship is on a more even keel than mine which starts and almost ends at the heart and only a small portion travels to the brain.
Children grow and becomes adults. The relationship changes and thereby the expectations. To retain the same level of affection and regard we have to put in a huge amount of effort- most of it emotional. I sometimes think that God rations out a limited quantity of emotional quotient to all human beings. If we use it up early, then we have to dredge up from our bottom of the heart to have the same interest and affection a few decades from today. So, how would Shivam and other grand children who would emerge in the years to come be when they grow up and if we are still around? Hard to say. But if the affection the grand children hold for our father is any barometer, then genuine affection begets equal and more love, regard and respect. Grand parents can love without the responsibility that parents have and thus can perhaps be more non judgemental and clear eyed in their approach. Father’s directness and tolerance of Devi’s aggressive and open approach and his reaction is an example.
Devi and Shivam returned today to Coimbatore. In keeping with her tradition, Devi’s return was planned at last minute (due to an interview call for school admission for Shivam). I came early from office and dropped them at airport quite early as today is visargan day for Lord Ganesha after the Ganesh Chaturthi. Shivam wanted us to accompany him inside the airport as he typically never allows any one to go. He wanted our driver Johny also to come with him. I was in tears as the last few weeks were enjoyable due to his presence. Being a new daughter in law at this age in a new office is no fun. That has gone out of the window long back.
All of us will miss him. We will see him again and play with him. But children grow rapidly. The Shivam we saw an year back and what he is today are different. Same would be the case in future. But what would hopefully remain unchanged is the joy he spreads by his presence and his ability to involve those around him.