Devi decided that she would be able to study for CA final one group only if she is assisted to look after Shivam. The logical end was her coming to Mumbai in April first week. Devi booked the tickets and came to Mumbai with few baggage and Shivam in tow, all alone. She even had more than one hand luggage so as to match the weight requirement. I was in Lausanne, Switzerland and so understood this by hearsay.
When I returned on April 13th, Shivam had settled down in Mulund and was slowly trying to stand up by holding some support. We encouraged him and he grew bolder. His objectives were the telephone in the living room, the glass top of the centre piece, the door of the show case in bedroom, puja almirah and so on. He was contented as long he had his quota of sleep and nourishment. He rarely sought his mother except in times of discomfort and at night.
He has a pleasing and captivating smile for acquaintances and strangers. His smile radiates happiness which makes people forget their woes of the moment. His initial moments were slow. But he picked up speed later and would rush like a baby elephant at his objective before we realized it.
He had not started eating rice at the frequency and speed of our expectation. He is now slowly eating solid food (rice, vegetables) in larger quantity and daily intervals. He loves curd. He now demands the same food that we eat by calling out loudly and focusing his eyes on the food item. This is irrespective of his hunger and probably more of an imitation of adult behavior. This helps as then he could have lunch and dinner with his parents in the next months to come.
Devi could study whenever she felt like it and perhaps has written the exams well enough to pass. Anand’s suggestion that she could change her centre and write exams here helped as the exam centre in CBE is far off and entails long travel.
We took him to Sriram’s marriage. He mixed well with all and did not differentiate between strangers and known persons. He did not express any great discomfort at Ernakulam heat. The mosquitoes had a field day in Tripunithara, but that did not deter him from playing with his grandparents, periappa and family. All of them adored him and carried him round. He cried at intervals due to no known reasons, but then subsided soon.
Asmita accompanied us to CBE and EKM as it was her vacation after writing 10th standard exam and she loves Shivam. After seeing Pavitra and Asmita, I believe that however much they become modern in outlook , the maternal instinct lurks close to the surface for girls and surfaces when such opportunity arises. I wish to see similar instinct for other distinctly feminine traits (domestic chores, cooking) surfacing with desired regularity
We returned by bus to Coimbatore from Ernakulam at night of 16th May. He slept thru the journey without causing us great woes.
I took him to the ground floor parking and made him sit on the scooters, motor cycles, top of the cars. I made him feel that he is driving the scooter or motor cycle. He smiled at the sense of movement I gave him. Probably he recognizes his travels with his parents in the scooter. He stares at animals with curiosity and has not expressed any fear.
What is most memorable is his delighted smile when he steps out of the house and the beats he gives on our chest expressing his deepest joy in going “tata”.
He is not easy to carry for long distances or time except in sling. He is quite fast in the walker and rushes by pushing one of his legs. His unruly mop of hair falls over his forehead and makes him look attractive. When his hairs are tied, he looks like a sardarji boy.
His favorite past time in Cbe is to remove all the cassettes and CDs. It is a delight to see him poke his head into the small space and remove them arbitrarily. It is not a delight to keep them back every time. He has not started staring out of the balcony. He will soon do so.
Over the years we have watched our children grow up to adults. Anand, Annapurna grew up almost in front of our eyes. But during those days, we were self absorbed. Our own development needs were in the forefront. Did we have time to see them crawl swiftly and grab everything they could lay hand? Probably we had, but never let it register in our mind. I remember paying attention to Annapurna as she was the first baby and live toy we had. The rest of the children grew together or maybe along with us as we were none too old.
Today with three decades of marriage behind us, the miracle of growth of life and the uncertainty surrounding it is better known. The bravado of youth is over and realization that every smile of a baby has the hand of God behind it is better felt. When Shivam rushes, with his hips swinging and eyes focused on a prey, we are able to smile at it. He does not express frustration and moves on to the next prey placidly.
What does a human being see in his or her grandchild? Probably, they search for a little of themselves- a small gesture, an eye movement, sleeping posture, food habits, facial resemblance and so on. Some portion of them seems to live on going into the future.
What do I see in Shivam? I see Devi’s soulful eyes staring at the world in an expressive way. He has Padma’s fathers fat jowls, fair skin probably inherited from grandmothers on both sides, a plump body and a captivating smile. He has some ear for music inherited from is father as he seem very comfortable with some form of music playing around him. I saw him thrusting the flute to Padma and his annoyance when she could not play it. (Kannan had played the instrument earler to him). To me, the smile represents inner contentment and lack of internal conflict and a clean mental slate. He does not cry repeatedly so as to become a terror for those left to hold him. He demands food only when hungry and after decent intervals.
Life never allows us to stand still, but it gives us the freedom to pause and savor some moments of past enjoyments. The last few weeks spent with him belong to this category. The rush to home in the evening to take Shivam for “tata”, his waking moments in the morning, taking him up to the car before leaving for office , his vain attempts to grab the telephone, the newspaper stand and its contents, his grabbing Anirudh’s head are some of those moments.
Children grow fast and before we realize they are adults. They may find our sentimental attachments to these events and moments quaint. But then the cycle changes, they too grow up (Annapurna and Devi are mothers now, Anand a husband) and perhaps find this alternative view not so quaint.
I wish Shanthi and Anna read this piece of writing.
Anjeneyan
May 20, 2008
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